#41: Somewhere over the rainbow...The dreams you dare to dream, Really do come true
packed with Pride | June 3, 2022
Hello Dahling,
Happy Pride! My Uncle John, an older gay man, will be quick to remind you it was a month that birthed from a “a few queens that went down to the village to mourn the death of Judy Garland, ya know she was a gay icon.1” I should note here that the story is a bit more nuanced. When I asked him why she was a gay icon, he noted, “ya know because of the whole over the rainbow bit .” Again, there is so much more to it. Then I asked him - who was your gay icon? “I didn’t have one, I just had a big crush on JFK Jr.”
My introduction to the LGBTQ+ community came from my uncle, who is a truly a piece of work. Born to a mother who was off-the-boat Italian and being her only boy, he was spoiled. In hindsight, there is no way my Nonina (grandmother in Italian) would have accepted any woman in his life. It was a blessing for all parities involved that he was queer.
Now, despite the traditional Italian Catholic roots, the family, although never addressed it, accepted not only my uncle but his (former) partner from a very early age. That isn’t to say that he had a welcoming committee (emphasis on the backwards Italian-Catholic mentality), but he didn’t have hatred or rejection.
I was fortunate to live in the real world that Will and Grace tried to show the masses; flamboyant doesn’t define gayness and gayness doesn’t define a person. In a predominant heterosexual culture that tries to measure sexuality with some sort of checklist or scale, for me, my uncles existence bamboozles any attempt to be calculated. Except for one stereotype of course, he is a jaded, sharp tongued, gin- martini-in-hand New Yorker, and a proud one.
I love my Uncle John, and I am really appreciative to be his niece, I am proud of him, and I am proud of his pride. Even if he would roll his eyes at the thought of partying at the parade, I know he would actually love it. He just won’t admit it, because as I mentioned, he is a man of many things, but jaded New Yorker will always be number one.
Here is to a Backpack packed with Pride, championing it, celebrating it, and being proud of it. Now, more than ever.
Love, B
“If you are against same sex marriage but you laugh you ass off to Will and Grace. Fuckk you. You are a hypocrite and you are not allowed to pick and chose what you like from our culture and leave behind the burden of inequality.” - Margaret Cho
packing
I won’t let you down. Seeing others live so proudly for who they are - can disgruntle people who never thought to do that for their own selves. What a world it would be if we all chose be proud of ourselves instead critical of what we are not.
I will not give you up. A League of Her Own, Slammers, Backdoor, Henrietta Hudson. These are some of the names of few remaining lesbian bars in the United States. In the 1980s there were an estimated 200 lesbian bars across America, now there are only 21. The Lesbian Bar Project aims to celebrate and preserve the remaining Lesbian bars in the United States. A personal naming fav? Yellow Brick Road Pub in Oklahoma. lol.
Gotta have some faith in the sound. I strongly feel if you do nothing else, watch Nannette and Douglas by Hannah Gadsby and end with Fortune Feimster’s Sweet & Salty. In all their jokes, there is a story.
It's the one good thing that I've got. Small farm wine delivered to you, at home nail stickers, and mushroom coffee for those of you already in on the trend. These are just a few LGBTQ+ businesses to consider when you are indulging yourself.
I won't let you down. When you live in a red state, like Florida, flying a pride flag almost feels like you are asking for a fight or trouble these days. And I say that as a straight person. Which, is why I feel, it’s more important than ever to do it.
So please don't give me up. That pride flag is a signal to others that there is a safe haven, a neighbor, a friend near by. It’s not about challenging others opinion, it’s about being the light in a dark place. When you are often bombarded with bumper stickers, flags, and even out right parades of Trump flags and hate in your community, a pride flag you chose to place on your car or home could mean so much to someone you don’t know. It’s more important than ever to act on your allyship in an evolving America aiming to criminalize homosexuality.
Because I would really, really love to stick around. The titles of all things packed is from Freedom by George Michael.
front pocket
The Gay Agenda as told you by Margaret Cho. Be the change you want to see in the world, like being a stand in mom or dad at a same sex wedding. Rainbow washing explained. Pride month explained. The Paris Review, an interview with James Baldwin.
keep packed
If you are looking to get involved or support LGBTQ+ community. Consider getting involved or investing in the The Trevor Project, the worlds largest suicide prevention and crisis intervention organization for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, questioning, young people.
I’d like to note here, that today - this month same sex marriage is legal. However, with the near ending of Roe vs. Wade, we must keep in mind that same sex marriage might be next. Celebrate today and fight for tomorrow.
unpacking
Excusing homophobia that lives in the subtleties. My Nonina once said that she believes that my uncle’s sexual orientation must had been passed from his father’s side of the family. I know she loved her son, but with that comment is a subtle inference that homosexuality is undesirable. A cousin, once told me he thought my grandmother drank (she was an alcoholic) because of my uncles choice (being gay is not a choice). That sentence was loaded with problems.
I wasn’t old enough to realize how I could correct them or hold them accountable for their words. I think about that a lot. And I’ve come around to realizing two things can be true, you can hold people to a higher standard and do it without anger, harshness, or scolding. How you might go about doing that - you need to find your own way. But you do need to practice it, you need to try. If you have a suggestion or tips on how you do this, I welcome you to leave it in the comments.
Cheers to the great gay icons of our time & happy pride
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🎼 This Backpack was written while listening to Somwhere Over the Rainbow by Judy Garland
On June 28th, 1969 The Stonewall Riots started when the New York Police raided The Stone Wall Inn, a gay club in New York. The raid sparked a riot among the patrons, this led to 6 days of clashes and protests. The event was a catalyst to the gay rights movement.