#61: Practically Perfect in Every Way

packed with Rich Auntie

Dahlings,

I really appreciate the week in between Black History Month and Women’s History Month is now Black Woman History Week. I love it, it’s perfect on so so many levels and I am very excited for when it gets it’s year round appreciation (Something I try to do here but I am only one person - nothing is stopping you though!).

So with that in mind, I am going to celebrate Rachel Cargle and one big key work that has a direct influence on my life: Rich Auntie.

There is a lot to unpack about societies reaction to women who want to be childless. However, In the spirit of joy as resistance, I want to save that shit for another day and dig into celebrating Rich Auntie.

There are studies out there floating around that when partners choose to have children, happiness decreases (sort of). But the “win” for parents is the fulfillment. And there is something I’d like to challenge with that bit…

In the first 2 years of my professional career I was a middle school science teacher. And although, having been one in the US (where we just shit on teachers) it was not something I wanted forever, it wasn’t because of the kids. It’s the kids that gave me reason to stay. I love my current job, but I was never more fulfilled than when I was teaching and I don’t even try to reach that fulfillment today. To me, it’s unachievable (unless I go back to the classroom). There is nothing like nurturing a different generation. And it’s this experience that has me quite weary of “only parents get fulfillment.” Sure, their fulfillment is likely deeper, but it’s not exclusive to parenting.

I strongly feel the key to being the rich auntie is really leaning into that auntie. Whether it’s the children of your neighbor, friends, or loved ones it’s showing up to be apart of the rearing of the little humans. Investing in their growth, love, security and success. And this to me also weaves into the fabric of women supporting women, of supporting mothers. I whole heartily believe it takes a village to raise a child and the place of the rich auntie should never be overlooked or undermined.

Also, that rich part is not want the patriarchy wants, so I’ll take mine thank you.

Let’s dive in - Bianchi

"For me, being child-free means having the right to do what so many women before me didn’t get the chance to do — to live a life I choose."- Rachel Cargle

packing

Rich Auntie is Rachel Cargle & Rich Auntie Supreme. If you want to peer into a community of women that are choosing a childless life you will want to follow Cargle’s instagram page Rich Auntie Supreme. I can’t tell you the level of calm comfort I feel (more than I did before) in choosing not to have kids knowing there are so many other women that choose this AND with a community that say “omg it’s cool if you change your mind P.S. we love kids, we aren’t evil villains”

Rich Aunties Build Community. Rachel Cargle writes for LA Times:

Rich Aunties might have already raised parents. I regularly joke with my father that if I had a book, it would be called “raising my [insert dad’s name]” and to be clear - I had it good with him, but it’s still true - my emotional maturity sky rocketed at a young age because it had to. It is, what it is. I can only imagine that so many other people, who had it way worse with forced pregnancy and/or young, emotionally not ready parents who might just be done and need to live their childhood in the adult years.

Rich Aunties have cool names. What is your aunt name gonna be? For example, in Italian “aunt” is zia, which I so associated with an old person but I am embracing it and will make it: Zia B. That is the name. My partner’s fam is Spanish so I can jive with tia as needed.

Rich Aunties run the world. OPRAH (the list should really just end there) and MARTHA STEWART, TRACEE ELIS ROSS, CHELSEA HANDLER, JENNIFER COOLIDGE. to name a few icons.

Rich Aunties are in pop culture. Mary Poppins, Professor McGonnegal (Harry Potter), Aunt Jet and Aunt Frances (Practical Magic), Aunt Hilda and Aunt Zelda (Sabrina Teenage Witch). I am seeing a theme that the aunts are all magical/witches and unclear if that is a jab at childless woman but I will take it.

Rich Aunties worry about the future too. For me, I think the one thing that makes me conisder children, is so selfishly the aspect of later in life - what happens? Who will worry for me? Care for me? And although there are no clear answers, one thing is true to me - that is just not a good reason to have kids. All of this is to say - check in on your rich aunties if you have them.

front pocket

Learning from Tracee Ellis Ross on Self-Care. This is my entire vision board. This kinkeeper note by Ann Friedman is worth sharing again, so often women’s work of community building is rarely acknowledged as work.

keep packed

Loveland Therapy Fund provides financial assistance to Black women and girls seeking therapy. Created by the wonderful Rachel Cargle. Consider investing in this fund as you invest in yourself.

unpacking

Rich Aunties don’t hate children. Big misconception. They love children, so much that they choose to be childless knowing that child needs all of them, and the rich auntie knows they just don’t want to give it full time.

Rich Auntie vs. Moms. This isn’t a competition. This is a symbiotic relationship, rich aunties are there to support mothers and their children - because they can. This isn’t a judgement of those that choose to have children. Being a rich auntie is a celebration of a choice that historically AND even today is a choice that is being stripped from us.

Strongly feel that Oprah would back up everything I echo’d here of Cargle’s work….

Today’s SL was from Mary Poppins, It’s what she says to herself when she looks in the mirror 💁‍♀️

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  All typo’s were not on purpose (if there were any) but that’s life folks.